On resting for the sake of resting
Rest isn't just about getting back to a state where we can do more
This morning, as I was scrolling through Instagram, I saw the above post in my stories. And it got me thinking about rest and why we rest. Now, I don’t wish to knock the artist and actually, scrolling through her feed, I think our philosophies are probably pretty well aligned. But something about the wording bothered me. It could be read as saying that resting is about getting back to a place where we can do and be our best. But what if that’s not the purpose of rest? This point was bought home to me just this week.
Last week was a busy one for me, with deadlines and quite a few things on my to do list that I needed to get done but was kind of dreading doing. By the end of the week I could tell I was in need of some rest and relaxation. One of the big tells for me (something I’ve only started to notice as I’ve made the time to check in with myself) is my patience levels — which are constantly being tested by parenting a three year old — and I could tell by Friday that my patience was wearing thin.
So, I decided I would give myself the weekend off and that I would only do things that felt fun or restorative. It also happened to be the long Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. By Sunday evening, I could tell a few days of leaving my laptop closed, going for hikes, reading, napping (during my daughter’s nap time), and baking cookies, was starting to work its magic. So much so, that by Monday (Thanksgiving), I was beginning to wonder whether I should check my emails or tick something off my to-do list. I’m proud of myself for sticking to my plan to rest, even when I no longer felt like I needed it.
This week, however, has not gone according to plan. On Tuesday (when I had a full day of childcare), I made a list of about eight things I wanted to get done that day. By lunchtime, I was still working on the same to-do list item and hadn’t ticked anything off my list. The task was taking longer than expected — though I was actually really enjoying working on it and giving it the time it needed. My afternoon then got unexpectedly filled up with a meeting and going to get my COVID-19 booster and flu shots. By 4 p.m., when I’d got back from the health clinic, I had about 40 minutes left of my day to get through the rest of my list. I did manage to tick off a few quick, easy tasks, but there was a lot left that would have to wait until the next day.
I still felt relatively okay about where I was at and I had a plan for how I was going to use my half day of childcare on Wednesday. Well, best laid plans and all that… It turned out C’s preschool was doing a field trip and for various reasons I won’t bore you with, I ended up having to be C’s taxi ride and chauffeur.
It actually ended up being a really lovely morning. I went for a walk around the park where the class was meeting up and it was a beautiful, sunny but crisp morning. Then, I did something I haven’t done probably since before C was born and certainly since the pandemic — I went and sat in a coffee shop! By myself! And drank tea and ate a delicious apple fritter! I will say, I only felt safe doing this because the coffee shop was practically empty and I was able to stay well over six feet away from other people. But still, it felt like a big step for me and I really enjoyed this unexpected treat.
Then it was back to the park to drive C over to the local fish hatchery. Again, what a treat! It’s a place I had no idea existed, but C loved it and we spent nearly an hour there watching the salmon swimming around in their big tank and oohing and awing at the fish jumping up the little waterfall into the tank.
C at the fish hatchery watching the Chinook salmon
Still, all morning I’d been feeling irked by this unexpected change in my plans. I kept thinking, well, I’ll just have to do some work during C’s nap and this evening. Yep, best laid plans… C decided to skip her nap. She did stay in her bed for about 40 minutes, so I was able to catch up on emails. But after a full on morning, no nap (myself) and then C’s dance class in the afternoon, there was no way I was going to be able to do any work in the evening. Instead, we got C down for a (relatively) early night and I enjoyed a relaxing evening. I took a shower, did a little bit of writing, and then read.
What am I getting at here? Well, this completely derailed week (and honestly, today isn’t looking much better since I’m working on this blog post, which decidedly was not on my to do list) has taught me an important lesson. It has made me realise that on a subconscious level, I was motivated to rest and relax at the weekend because I thought it would allow me to have a productive week. But even if this week had gone according to plan, increasing productivity shouldn’t be the point of rest. Now, I know I’m being pedantic about word choice and I get that it’s a funny rhyme (and I’m really not trying to knock Jayne Hardy, the artist behind the above print), but I think what I’m getting at is that resting shouldn’t be about doing or besting. It should be something we do simply because we need it. Or heck, screw need, because it brings us pleasure and because everyone should be able to enjoy their one precious life. For me, one of the most restful activities to engage in is reading. I know there are people who really have to work at building a reading habit, but for me, reading is almost breathing. It’s second nature. But it also brings me a great deal of pleasure.
I’m reminded of another Instagram post that I’ve actually saved because I like to return to it from time to time, so I’ll quote quite a bit of the post here. This one is from Devon Price (who’s book Laziness Does Not Exist, I’ll be posting about soon…). He writes: what if your current productivity level represents the absolute maximum you are capable of? / what if your motivation, focus, and energy levels never increase beyond what they are right now? / if you knew for certain you would never become more “productive” than you are now, what would you do? / how would your life change? / what activities would you prioritize with your limited energy and time?
Then, he goes on to write: if your energy levels and productive capacity only even went down from what they are now, what would you need in order to lead a worthwhile life? For some, rest isn’t about getting back to a productive state because that state is simply unachievable, either through circumstances or mental or physical health. I’m thinking of the early months of my pregnancy when my body forced me to rest, but no amount of rest made me feel less fatigued or nauseated. No amount of rest could make me any more productive than I was capable of being (which was not very).
I’m a big fan of rest these days, something that has not been true for a long time. For the past few years, during the huge life transitions of having a baby, living through a pandemic, and moving house three times, I’ve been driven to do yet more by my fear of being unproductive and lazy (again, I’ll be writing more about these topics in an upcoming post). I still struggle with feeling that rest = laziness. But I’m also coming to see that rest ≠ productivity.